Flirty Fridays: The Don’ts of Body Language

There’s a lot more to flirting than what you say. Your body language and the way you carry yourself can send signals to the person your flirting with. Sometimes, you may be giving off a negative vibe without even realizing it! Fear not, The Flirting Bible has you covered. Here’s what not to do when it comes to body language, and how you can turn your wrongs into rights.

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Speak with Appropriate Body Language to Stand Out
Frequently, flirting begins before either party speaks a single word. The right body language can spark interest, attraction, and acceptance; the wrong body language can trigger discomfort, dislike, or rejection. You probably know people with a knack for making you feel special and comfortable. You probably know others who quickly make you feel self-conscious, uneasy, and unworthy. You intuitively react to their body language, which then translates into how you feel about yourself and the other person. It just happens.

By learning how to read and control body language, however, you can ensure that you give off signals that communicate to others your authenticity, comfort, warmth, charisma, and playfulness. Fitting flirting body language is a passport to flirting paradise.

Not only that, but you’ll also better know when your interest doesn’t reciprocate feelings—an enormous long-term benefit that will save you time, energy, and heartache. (You just have to trust me on that one, no matter how much you want to disregard the warning signs!)

Negative Body Language: What NOT to Do
Before I tell you the perfect body language formula, let’s go over what not to do, what I like to call “The Ultimate Body Language Don’ts,” or BLDs. This list may look long, but we do many of these behaviors habitually and without knowing it. Sometimes, we even do these things on purpose to indicate to others that we’re not interested—so be on the lookout on all accounts! Don’t follow these bad habits, and don’t waste your time with people who do.

Remember, BLDs distract, turn people off, are unattractive, and stand in your way. Once you know what not to do, discard the BLDs and replace them with positive body language. The more you know what not to do, the better flirt you will be.

The Ultimate Body Language Don’ts
Never do any of the following:
• Look around the room when talking
• Fold your arms across your chest in a tight, clenched manner
• Stand with one arm crossed tightly hugging the other arm
• Stand or sit in a slumped position
• Stand like a statue
• Look at the floor when talking
• Huddle in a smaller position
• Wrap your legs around each other
• Twist your feet around table or chair legs
• Put barriers in front of you such as a book, your arms, or a table
• Play with or check your cell phone
• Jiggle or twitch your knee or legs
• Fidget
• Tap your fingers on the table
• Pick at your skin
• Rub your nose
• Pick on your nails or cuticles
• Sigh, yawn, or rub your throat
• Frown or grimace
• Stare
• Clench your fists or shake your finger
• Wring your hands
• Shake your head from left to right as if to say “no”
• move in too quickly
• Twirl your hair
• Nod a mile a minute
• Rub your arms and legs
• Shake hands with a limp handshake
• Speak in a monotone or so low that your partner can’t hear you
• Speak in a loud arrogant tone
• Keep a smile plastered to your face
• Glance at your watch
• Bite your lip
• Laugh excessively (or at inappropriate ,times)
• Wear your heart on your sleeve
• Shred your dinner napkin
• Adjust your clothing constantly
• Lean way back or away from the other person in your chair
• Hide in the corner
• Shuffle your feet

Turn Your Wrongs into Rights
Now that you know the BLDs, what’s next? First, take a self-inventory of your own personal BLDs. How often do you display them and in what situations?

For most BLDs, simply don’t do them. For some, do the opposite. For example, instead of slouching, stand up straight. Instead of glancing at your watch, make eye contact with your conversation partner. When you start mumbling or speaking too low, speak up.

Body language comes in clusters. Occasionally, you can yawn, adjust clothing, sigh, or make a nervous gesture, but don’t make a habit out of it. Rather, look at the total picture.

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